Yes you read my title right! I am single… but not available!
Its’ been a year and a half since love brought pain to me. I never thought that by loving just one person wholeheartedly my heart would be covered by deep wounds and scars. It is true that when you love somebody you must accept the pain, struggles, and changes as the relationship goes on. But it is also true that when you love you will experience happiness, be blooming, and literally in love.
If you ask me if I am bitter for what had happened? If I regret a thing? Or wish that I’ve never known him? I would honestly say NO.
I believe that what had happened has a purpose. I know God allowed this thing, for me to learn, grow and overcome fear, pain, loneliness and sorrow. I thought that this will not come to end, not until today when I realized that this is life. Or should I say this is ‘MY’ life, a one roller coaster ride.
The feeling of falling in love is so exciting but life is not just about loving somebody special or somebody right for you but loving yourself first before everything else. This is to gain more respect, care, and love from others. Moreover, I received a forwarded text message from that someone I considered special the other day and it says, “When you know God loves you, you won’t be desperate for the love of others.”
True! I said to myself. Then it made me deem that in a relationship you should not rely on your own instinct and wants if you want to work things for good. It is about entrusting every bit second of it to God. If we are secure in God’s love we will also be secure that others will love us. Moreover, if we learn to love God first everything follows.
As I was contemplating on the things that had happened God promised me in his words that “he will not leave me nor forsake me” in Hebrews 13:5. He showed me that I should not worry the future. I just need to trust him alone. Everything will fall in to its proper places, in due time if I will follow God’s plan and will for me.
I admit that it is not easy to move on, to let go, or just forget the person. It’s a lifetime process. But who knows in the end my (our) plans and dreams will come to reality if and only if we obey Him.
Sharing to you is a portion of a song entitled Love doesn’t have to hurt, sung by Atomic Kitten:
Then I suffer so much pain
But I only had myself to blame
Love doesn’t have to hurt
To feel good
It’s such a revelation
With you I can be myself
I know it should
Don’t have to cry
Don’t have to fight
Don’t have to die
Not after tonight
Doesn’t have to hurt to feel good
Pain is not something we should take seriously. It is something we should take for granted for us to be a better person. Think that it is not only you who are experiencing pain. Every individual in this planet is experiencing pain, it’s just that some are only minor pain and some are major pain. You’ll just laugh at yourself saying “hindi lang pala ako ang nakakaranas nito.” Thus, it will serve as a therapy to heal the wounds.
No, I am not making any sense here. But yes I know I am single… but really I am not available.
I need to rest! My heart needs to rest! My eyes want to sleep! My arms and hands are starting to get cold! My lips are learning to smile again. And I am already willing to say goodbye for a while… yes, just for a while!